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Our neighbor’s got stuck… but LOOK at what it lead to!!!

our neighbor's got stuck

Morning 🙂
Yesterday is what I am going to call a “good day”! After months upon months of PTSD giving us it’s challenge, then other medical issues on top of it, I think it’s safe to say I saw a small glimpse of my husband yesterday.‪ PTSD‬ was by no means gone or at bay, but I saw Craig fight it with everything he had! I heard my husband laugh a little, and I was able to get him outside!!! It took some serious doings but it happened.

I sat here looking out the window yesterday, watching our neighbors try to get a boat on a trailer into the lake, with a vehicle that is not a 4×4. Now, our lake which you can tell by the many photos I post, is not a well used lake, it’s overgrown and wildlife is plentiful. The water level has finally after several years come back up. But it also means around the lake is muck. 😉 I know you can see where this is going.

YEP, they got stuck! Long story short, I watched another truck come in to try to pull it out, it got stuck too. Well, after awhile Craig woke up and asked me what I was looking at? I said with a chuckle, “The neighbors. Seems the guys decided to try to get the boat into the water with a Trail Blazer”. Craig got curious of course and started watching as well. And I heard a chuckle from him. He then said, “Didn’t you tell them about this lake?” I said, “Yep, sure did”.

So after awhile of watching, I told Craig I really think they need some help, there’s no way they are getting that vehicle out of there. Thinking he would budge. Nope, he didn’t. So I then said I was going outside to see if the neighbor lady (I called her by name) was outside, which I figured she was not missing all of this lol. Her and I have talked a lot since they moved in and I would say it’s on the path of forming a friendship. I let my son know I was going outside, he was home yesterday so it was actually a respite day for me. My plan was to soak up some sunshine lol.

Sure enough the neighbor lady came out when she saw me come to the fence. Her and I talked and laughed! She said the guys were determined to go fishing. After a little while, and the neighbor man and his best friend laughing as well, he came up from the lake and said they were not getting it out of there and needed a tow truck.

They called around, have any idea how much a tow truck costs on a Saturday, when you have a vehicle and trailer stuck in a lake? Let’s just say A LOT! I said, well let me see if I can get Craig to come out and bring the Tahoe down, it’s a 4×4, we can give it a try even though it may not do the job with me still having street tires on it, I haven’t put off road/all terrain tires on it yet.

I went back into the house and told Craig that they are really stuck, can we take the Tahoe down to see if we can help them? This was actually my second trip back into the house, the first was to get my snatch strap, so Craig knew what was going on. I told him what the tow truck was going to cost them and said it was ridiculous. I then said, “You really should come out. They have not even met you yet and have been here for a couple of months now. They are great people and I want you to meet them. That and it would really do you some good to get outside, it’s such a beautiful day out there.” It also would help considering some of our neighbors have started to think I am single! Because Craig is never seen. Oh my, that’s a whole ‘nother story within itself lol.

Craig finally gave in. No, the Tahoe could not do the job lol, not with the tires on it and we discovered the vehicle was frame bottomed out, back tires were just spinning in the water not touching anything. But Craig met the neighbors for the first time. PTSD was still there by all means (and wanted to retreat back into the house), anxiety was high, he had to step away at times and walk over to our property away from everyone, but no one minded! I talked with the ladies, and we laughed at the guys, lol, actually with them. Craig was back and forth to where the guys were, and they went with it without questions every time Craig had to step away, and let him without saying a word then would pick right back up when he would go back over to them.

Get this, ALL of them understand and know about PTSD!!! 😉 All of the new neighbors we got on our street a couple of months back are in the medical field and there has not been any stigma at all from any of them! They were just ALL awesome yesterday!!!

So, did the vehicle get pulled out of the lake? Yep, it sure did lol… I called my Dad! 😉 When all else fails, always call daddy and he can get the job done. 🙂 His 4×4 set up for off road and has a solid hitch, was able to snatch it out of there after a few tries. So I got to see my parents yesterday too for a little while.

Once it was all over Craig quickly shook hands with the guys, then retreated to the bedroom for the rest of the day/night, which was okay! That was a serious type of outside time for him with how he’s been for months now, but he did it!!! WE spent some time outside with the neighbors yesterday!!! I have to say that was one of the most awesome feelings I have felt in a very, very long time.

So what does Craig tell me last night? “Ya know Bec, they are really nice people, and funny.” That was enough for me to know that a small glimpse of Craig shined through yesterday. 😉 Oh, and everyone got to see that I do actually have a husband, LOL! 😉

Those are the type of days you hold onto, cherish them, let them bring you strength… because they are many times few and far in between coming and you never know what tomorrow will hold. But today… Coffee in hand and getting this new day going… with a smile 🙂

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD : Facebook page

Many people just do not realize how PTSD affects your life.

Many people just do not realize how PTSD affects your life.

Last night Craig looked at me and said, “I wish I could have just one morning where when I wake up you are still asleep next to me. I miss that.”

The only thing I could respond with was, “I know. I wish the same thing. One of these days it will happen again.”

Those were the last words spoken last night. And here I sit across the room from him, with coffee in hand, listening and watching PTSD nightmares.

The things that so many people take for granted, simple things, at times are just purely impossible when PTSD is a part of life. Even though we never give up on trying.

I was asked, “You always stay on a positive note, even when things are bad or rough. But, besides the obvious, what other things have changed in life since ‪‎PTSD‬ became a part of it? The negatives.”

That’s a hard one for me to answer, but I will. I do like to focus on the positive things, and positive ways of managing this life. We have to or PTSD will take over our lives more than what it already has.

Here are a few things that changed due to PTSD:

***To state up front, none of this is in any way being disrespectful towards my husband or what he goes through (love ya babe), it’s simply the realities of what has changed in life.***

* Having to learn and accept that our lives have changed, the way our lives were is gone, and accepting that disabilities are a part of life now. We work hard every single day to make each day the best they can be, but that does not bring back the life we had.

* The example I gave. Nightmares/terrors do not allow us to sleep together or only for a limited amount of time each night. Safety has to come first, which takes away being able to wake up together. It takes away that closeness.

* Personal Connection. We do love each other dearly, but the personal connection has greatly been affected, mentally, emotionally, and physically. PTSD brings with it a disconnection, numbness to feelings and emotions, avoidance, and more, they do weigh heavily on a relationship, even the strongest relationships.

* Personalities. Oh yes they do change. The photo collage I posted of Craig not too long ago bluntly shows the changes in him. I as the spouse/caregiver, well, I had to take on a more serious role. Life is not just foot loose and fancy free, do what you want to when you want to. Life now contains much more responsibility. For both people it’s like having the person you were, the person people used to see, trapped inside of you and that old you just can’t come out, or not nearly as often.

* Roles change. That was a huge change for us. We each used to have our certain roles, what each of us did or were responsible for. Craig does what he can, but majority of things are up to me to accomplish or make sure things are taken care of. Disabilities do bring a lot of role changes, it’s no longer the old mindset of the man does this and the woman takes care of this, that cannot be a mindset in this life.

* Being able to sit in a restaurant, or any type of “date night”, and when we have in the past PTSD is always scanning and watching everything and everyone to the point it is not enjoyable. IF we do leave the house it’s pretty much for must do appointments or during off hours to when other people would not be out and about.

* Being able to watch movies away from home, not happening. The 12 years Craig and I have been back together we have not seen even one movie in a theater, something we used to enjoy doing. Dark room, crowds, strangers, not happening.

* Traveling. We were known for traveling much more than our age group at the time normally did (We were in our early 30s back then). If we were not working, we were traveling. We loved it! Without having an RV, where he has his space, his things, and a familiar place to retreat to, traveling has not been possible. Hotels are not an option, we have tried and PTSD is on high alert and he can’t sleep in unfamiliar places, especially with hotels having strangers walking by or out and about so often, and strange noises.

* Social Circles. The once social butterflies became wrapped back up in a cocoon. We have many social media “friends”, some being old friends from our past (love you all!), but friends as in get together and do things with, hang out, get the families together… there are not any. The last friend to visit us was a dear friend from my high school days which came from out of state with another friend and they stayed a weekend with us, that was two years ago this July.

With PTSD and depression, it makes it difficult to make plans, keep schedules, or do things away from our own home, which makes friendships difficult. People do have busy lives and things with their own families to do, work, etc. and hearing “Not today” or “We can’t make it” only lasts so long before people just stop calling or wanting to be around. Some could not handle how PTSD is, and the changes it has caused, and simply walked away. We don’t blame anyone or hold grudges because of it, it’s just what does happen when life includes PTSD.

As the spouse, my social circle is our neighbors, when I am outside and they happen to be too.

* Our children. We have four between the two of us, now ages 20, 15, 14, and 13. I have to say we have honestly gotten lucky with them. I say lucky because not all children are able to have or form the relationship and understanding that our’s have. Children can be greatly affected by PTSD, many are. So yes, we are lucky.

They are social, well adapted, do great in school, and are your typical funny and enjoy life teenagers. But making sure they have and had a healthy balance in life, emotionally balanced, did/does take much more than what a family without disabilities has to do. They have to be taught differently on top of normal parenting.

We have educated them from very young ages, on age appropriate levels of learning, about PTSD. It has for sure paid off! They love dad dearly, they do not view him in any negative way and do not hold any grudges or discontent towards him. They do understand that he is always here for them, that he loves them and they are the world to him, but at the same time there is a lack of physically being in the same room much of the time or having a lot of time with him. They know to enjoy the time they get with him. Quality vs Quantity, quality of time is what means the most. It has to, because PTSD does take time away. But when he spends time with them, he gives it everything he’s got, every ounce of energy possible, to be a great dad.

My 20 year old is actually my respite care person, so I get breaks to take care of myself. He knows every aspect of how to take care of dad (step-dad) and understands PTSD and Depression, what to do or needs to be done, better than anyone who does not live with us. When growing up with a parent with disabilities, children mature much quicker than kids normally do, because life and rules are different. But, in a way it has formed a closer but different type of bond, they would not give their dad up for any other dad or the world! He is the world to them, all four of them.

* Work. We would both love to be able to say we “are heading to work, see you later”. We were both work-a-holics before PTSD and other disabilities. We miss it. Not everyone with PTSD is unable to work, however my husband can’t due to the conditions that come with his disabilities, and he requires a full time caregiver, 24/7. I am lucky in the way that I can be his caregiver, however neither of us are able to work due to his disabilities, life drastically changed for both of us. When we see people complaining about having to go to work, we see it differently, nothing against them of course, but we wish we were the ones able and capable of heading out that door each morning… like we used to do.

* Life goals. We had our lives planned out, lol. I mean planned, budgeted, right down to every t crossed and i dotted. I was a dog trainer and he was an air traffic controller by career and private pilot. He was going to complete his 20 years in the military, then he wanted to work airport management, and we were going to purchase this little RV park in Tennessee, run it during RV season then during off season I would work Search and Rescue dogs and he would be our pilot to get us to where we needed to be. Our two professions and loves in life went very well together. Those things are just not possible now.

Life goals changed, now we just hope that one day we will be able to purchase another RV and he will be able to travel again to some extent, to get him out of the house and to be able to take back a small part of our lives that meant so much to us. What was once a mission to do SAR, to help people, now is a different mission of sorts, I am hoping that it will be a book signing tour, still with the goal of helping people, just in a different way than what we had planned. It’s a life goal we have set even though we know it’s going to be a hard reach.

So those are just a few of many examples of how life changed when PTSD and other disabilities became a part of it. The one thing I/we have learned in this life among many, many things, is you can’t focus on the negatives or all of the time, or this life will swallow you and there won’t be any sort of life. You take life one day at a time, one step at a time, and you give it all you’ve got. You have to!

I will close with this,
“PTSD is a diagnosis, it’s not a definition of who a person is, or who either of you are.” Sure life changed, drastically changed, but life still continues, it’s just different now.

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD : Facebook page

Seems someone has my back…

dogs and life with PTSD

As I sit here and write… this is what I see behind me. 
Yes he always has my back, but right now I think he also stole my spot! LOL!

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD : Facebook page

A Christmas Dog Story: Updated

A Christmas Dog Story

(DON’T CRY or you will have me in tears! 😉 There’s a good ending to this… and it is about life with PTSD)

Okay, it’s that time of year again that I start flipping through my photos and putting up decorations. I cannot go without telling this story and how it is a huge part of my life living beside one with PTSD. We have been having huge discussions about a new pup for me… to join our family sometime this next year. I do still shed a tear every Christmas when I add Toby’s ornament to our tree (I’m looking at it lol, it will go on most likely today), but it wouldn’t be a tree without it. 

Please don’t cry over this story…or you will make me cry.  But you all are family and I want to share something with you that is beyond dear to my heart. For those who don’t understand what and how a dog can make a difference to your life or why they are so important to me, maybe this story will help you with that understanding.

“Toby”, also called “Toby-son” by myself, came into my life just before Christmas, now many years ago. He was a German Shepherd Dog/Husky mix who’s litter was placed in a cardboard box and left next to a dumpster in a nearby town at about a month old. I had been visiting the shelter every day, 3 times a day, for weeks looking for the right match to ME. Not as a service dog, but as my special pet, eventually my work partner.

A shelter worker, actually who I still contact to this day regarding abuse cases etc. talked to me one day and said “I need you here today at such and such time. We have a litter coming out and I think you will find what you are looking for.” Well, that day I was there and Karen helped me through the crowd of people when the pups came out and let me have first pick. OH there was no deciding! I pointed at Toby and said let’s take that one to the play-pen for testing. Sure enough Toby ended up being my match! That day I adopted a 10 week old puppy that changed my life and heart forever! (Dang it lol, I can’t write this without that tear. Oh my heart dog.)

Toby was different than other dogs of my past, he was a true handful lol! As a pup he challenged me every step of the way! I decided to socialize him through classes with other dogs…which ended up being our “escape” from reality so to speak. I put my everything into him, and he did the same for me. See, I ended up going through a nasty divorce (no worries he and I are on good terms now  ) back before Craig and I got back together… Toby was my rock, my strength, my everything. He was the one that kept me solid on my feet and taught me how to be strong. See, dogs don’t judge, they love! The emotional stress I had gone through was overwhelming…but there Toby was, always faithfully by my side wagging that tail looking at me like “Mom what next?”.

Then Craig came back into my life  Yes, there were strict grounds lol. To accept me, I come with baggage that must be accepted too! He thought I was talking about my kiddos hehe. I told him, “No silly, my dog! I know you accept my kids.” I think he was kind of shocked lol! But to say the least we got back together…which meant he accepted Toby. 

Toby brought a whole new meaning regarding dogs to Craig. Craig was not really a dog person before Toby, and dog hair haha drove him crazy! But he fell in love with Toby. Everyone loved Toby…how could they not! He was a well rounded, all around type of dog from obedience, manners, tasks, tracking, games with the kids, oh the tricks lol, and most of all…watching after me. We NEVER had a problem finding a pet sitter either lol, everyone loved staying with Toby and all of the cool tricks he could do. Favorite party trick was “Toby, get me a beer” lol of course! Or the “Bang! Dead dog” Toby would drop to the floor but keep his tail wagging. Then I would place my hands on my hips and say, “Dead dogs don’t wag their tails.” His tail would drop to the floor and never even flinch. Then he would wait for the “Good boy” command and jump into my arms lol!

When Craig became a disabled Veteran we headed back to Florida where we grew up. I started my dog pet training business up again since we were finally able to plant some roots, so we thought (but that’s another story for another day). I became involved with some rescues and local people, so rescues in and out of the home became a new part of life, hard at times to let go and some stayed, but a part of life. And I started working with and training service dogs.

See, Toby was still around when Craig’s medical became REALLY bad. My anxiety at one time was so bad that I had passed out and during the fall my head went through the sheet-rock of the wall. I sustained a concussion and had amnesia for several weeks. I didn’t recall it at the time but after the fact once the memories start coming back to me, I remembered that when I came to, who do you think was there licking my face? You guessed it, my Toby-Son. Over time as I learned about what was happening with Craig, and that this was not just him but PTSD and other disabilities, I was able to get a firm grip on myself. My therapy through the rough years? My dog! 

Again, Toby was not a service dog of any sorts but he was the best therapy a person could have. He really was what saved me during the rough years. He and I spent hours every day together working on his training and keeping his skills up, he was my lead dog for my training business, we took long walks, and you would always find him laying at my feet just waiting for whatever came next. He traveled from one coast to the other, and back again by my side…yes we stopped at every state sign and took pictures too. 

Anyway, at almost 10 years old my dear Toby fell ill. Mysteriously, right after Craig started getting treatment for PTSD, I swear to this day Toby knew I would be okay at that point. Test after test was done, he was on IV drips at home, and was having seizures extremely bad. He was like a light switch…one second he was on the ground and couldn’t get up, the next he seemed fine and sitting by me waiting for a command, then it would change again. One day he was extreme, I called his vet and she came rushing to our home. Toby passed away that day laying in my lap. (Yup, there’s a tear).

My dearest friend was gone. I never had an animal so close to me as he was. My heart and soul shattered. I took a long break from training and was also having to take care of Craig. My rescues were never the same after that day, they mourned him as much as I did. I still get choked up every year as I place his ornament on the tree…I actually get teased in a loving way now…they say “Everyone leave the room, mom has Toby’s ornament in her hand.” Lol. Yes, today I can smile along with that random tear.

See, I believe that Toby IS my Angel with four legs and wings that looks after me, just as he always did. Several years ago now Craig and I found this little shelter dog that we adopted to be Craig’s service dog (which I trained him for the job but Craig only uses him at home). Well, Alex is the spitting image of my Toby…just a different color and a little extra spunk in his step! Alex somehow has filled a deep gap, space, in my heart and some of the footsteps Toby once stood in… even though Alex is in reality Craig’s dog and bonded to him.

This Christmas season I do not weep as I have in the past, I smile and thank Toby for the path he lead me down, the self-help he taught me, the love and bond he brought to my heart, and for bringing Alex into our lives! But, even more than that, this is the first time since Toby’s passing seven years ago, that I myself have been ready for MY own dog again. I have ENJOYED looking at different breeds, figuring out what I want next (which I’m pretty sure will be a German Shepherd Dog), and have that lit fire back in my heart, eager for an addition to our family to come this next year… And training “him”! In a way, this new pup to come is me taking a part of my life back, with a step forward.

You know, sometimes it does take a long time to mend, so to speak, from what you have been through, it does not mean you will ever forget, it does not mean those feelings and thoughts will go away, but it also does not mean that there’s not a step forward. Those steps forward are there, embrace them when they come, work towards them, and never give up.

 Love, Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD

Happy Thanksgiving 2014

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Nope 😉 no way we were getting through Thanksgiving day without me getting a smile and a kissy pic out of Craig! And of course his favorite place… in the kitchen lol.  We made it to my parents for a few hours to eat and to see the family. YES! Mission accomplished. 

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A little puppy lovin’ “me time”

I was able to get a little puppy time in today. Nothing like puppies to add an extra smile to the day. 🙂 NO, these are not my pups, I’m just enjoying them when I get a chance to see them.

~Bec

A Spouse’s Story PTSD :Facebook Page

Uh oh….

Morning. Coffee in hand and getting this day going… and that will be a slow going even though Craig says I’m not slow 😉

Yesterday we spent the day in the ER, the reason I was not back on here posting any. But (cough,cough) we were not there for Craig this time…. yep it was for me. The ol’ knee is giving me a run for my money and it won yesterday. The GOOD news is no broken bones and no fractures!  The bad news is, it’s messed up!  But the ol’ knee won’t win for long haha, No worries, I’ve got the docs on my side to fix it 😉 and until then, I’m amazing on crutches LOL.  Before you ask or tell me  YES I’m taking care of myself. 🙂

BUT… there was good in yesterday! While at the VA standing in line for meds, we met this wonderful lady, a Veteran! We talked and chuckled. Her and Craig REALLY had a lot in common, including those pesky migraines. There was a lot of, “Me Too!” said, unreal how much in common. I think in a way it really made Craig’s day! It was so nice talking with her!!!

Shiela if you are here, I just wanted to say a special “Welcome to the family“! And Craig and I were serious, you keep in touch with us. It was so nice meeting you yesterday and talking! You made what started out as a rough day, turn into a very special one.
THANK YOU!! 

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD :FaceBook

A Spouse’s Story PTSD :Website

Our Love Story…

Morning. Coffee in hand and looks like we are going to get rain today, imagine that  😉

Let me tell you a story…

Craig and I had dated for 4+ years, he was my high school sweetheart, we had our entire lives together planned out. When he left for the military we had a misunderstanding that no amount of love in this world could fix at that moment. He went his way and I went mine. We stayed friends over the years, but 10 years after that misunderstanding took place our paths crossed in a way we thought would never happen again.

Eleven years ago today… it was raining, Tropical Storm Bill to be exact. I had been on the phone all day with our moms trying to work on wedding plans. Everyone had different ideas of what our wedding should be like, I mean this was a huge deal after our history and us coming back together as a couple. Was it going to be a lake wedding, a military wedding, a spring or winter wedding, were the flowers going to be this or that, etc etc.

I stood there that day after being on the phone all morning and just thought about everything. Craig and I had already made the decision that our lives were meant to be spent together, we had already brought our families together, we both have children from previous marriages. But marriage? It was something that after our history I never expected to happen lol. We had both already been through things in life and we were happy just the way we were. He did honestly shock me when he proposed to me almost 2 months prior to this day. I was just thinking about everything, and thinking about all of this planning at hand now.

Craig came in from work, I can still picture him walking through the door that day in uniform, him saying “Man, it’s raining out there.” as he grabbed a bowl, then the ice cream from the freezer. I remember him looking at me, leaning over and giving me a kiss, him telling me he loves me with that grin on his face, and asking me how my day was. I told him I had spent the day working on wedding arrangements. We talked for a few minutes then he sat on the couch with his famous bowl of ice cream in hand, watching CSI. LOL.

I continued what I was doing, then stood there for a few minutes just looking at him from across the room. I took a deep breath, walked into another room, and called my son who was 8 years old at the time, who was at his dad’s for summer. I asked Brandt, “Hey, is your heart dead set on carrying the rings at the wedding?” His response? “Mom! You haven’t married Craig yet?” LOL, out of the mouth of babes. I finished the phone call, looked at Craig again as he ate his ice cream, then picked up the marriage license.

I sat down on the arm of the couch next to Craig, then asked, “Hey after you finish your ice cream and show, do you have any other plans today? Do you have a few minutes?” He looked at me and said “Nothing planned, sure I have time. What do you want to do?” And I dropped the marriage license in his lap. He looked up at me, grinned, and asked me if I was serious. I smiled back at him, chuckled, and said, “Yep, dead serious.

He finished that ice cream rather quickly lol. We threw on white shirts, blue jeans, and boots. Got into the corvette and backed out of the garage into Tropical Storm Bill, and headed to the court house.

I can tell you this 😉 there were no lines or groups of people at the court house that day lol. The weather gave us a break in rain to go in, we were married, then a break in rain on our way back out. We sat in the car, looked at each other and started laughing, “I guess we better call our parents!” Craig called his first, he said “Hey mom your daughter-in-law needs to talk to you.” Oh yes she caught that! 😉 Then we called my parents. You know what? There was not one person upset about us doing that, they were all happy.

Then we went to Wendy’s for a late lunch. After we ate we went by the airport to check on the airplane. Then went back to the house for the rest of the rainy day. It was a perfect day!

To my dearest husband Craig,

I just want to say to you, even through the worst storms in life, we have something together that is greater then any storm. You have been and always will be the other half of every heartbeat my heart takes, you make my life complete in ways that some people never get the chance to experience. 

Together we have proven and continue to prove, that there are true love stories in life. The hard times, trials and errors, only bring us more strength and closer. The good times of chuckles, those grins, and memories that will last a lifetime do make each rough day worth having and living this life together through. There are good and bad things in life, that’s just life, but you and I for sure have discovered a balance to all of it. 

Every day my love for you grows another day stronger. I’m not saying some days the thought of a frying pan in hand doesn’t come to mind LOL (That’s a figure of speech/southern JOKE by the way! Of course I would NEVER do that! 😉 ), but yes I do love you and that love will never fade. 

I know the life we had all planned out 25 years ago, well lol, did not quite turn out as planned, and that weighs on you. But you know what? I think you and I proved 11 years ago today that life plans altering are not such a bad thing, and we keep proving it daily.  I will never need riches of gold, or a mansion on a hill, or all of the materialistic things in life many long for. I have true love… and that is priceless.

You Craig, are my best friend, my partner, my soul-mate, an awesome dad to our children, and truly the other half of every heartbeat my heart takes… and I could not imagine this life without you!

 Happy 11th Anniversary! I love you! 

~Bec
A Spouse’s Story PTSD :FaceBook page

A Spouse’s Story PTSD :Website

I don’t know if I should call this a success or a takeover!

I don’t know if I should call this a success or a takeover! 

Let me tell you a story…

You all know that I have been working on changing what is actually the formal dining room, which we used as the “kids room” catch all lol, into my new office/library area. That is my “project of the month”. And yes, once I complete it I will post photos.  There is still a delay in a certain roll top desk being moved. 😉

My personal goal is to set one project per month for myself that I can work on as I have time to.

WELL! For the most part the room is now complete. I LOVE it! The room is not closed off (that’s an option I will be working on at a later date), it connects to the kitchen and the living room, and overlooks the lake. It also has access to outside.

This project was sparked by me wanting to re-do and paint the master bedroom, the room that Mr. PTSD likes the most in the house… take note of what I just said.  But, in order to get that room done, some large things had to move which lead me to doing this other room first so I’m not double moving things.

So, one of Craig’s docs had asked us about our bedroom, the space he uses the most and retreats to. The only way I could honestly describe it was “an office with a bed in it“. Sadly, that’s true! So then that really sparked me to wanting a bedroom that looks like a bedroom.

Anyway, back to my new office. Which also will be known as the “library” that code word of ours we have always used as the stress free room where anyone can calmly without judgement talk about anything. Say the word, and I’ll meet you there. Also a quiet place to retreat to instead of feeling one has to retreat to a bedroom. Oh, and no electronics allowed. 

Over the years the kiddos have learned to communicate, and the “need” for “the library” has not seemed to really be needed anymore, any room will do. So I decided since this “kids room” was not being used much anymore, I could get my office space back! Someplace comfortable, relaxing, and a quiet place for me to write… and get out of that bedroom!

But, when I started this project or room makeover, that term “library” appeared rather quickly. Well this project I think is backfiring on me just a slight bit lol! I really thought I was getting an office again but I’m not too sure about that now, which is still okay. 🙂

I believe over the past week or so, Craig, my son, and I have spent more time in THAT room then anywhere else in the house!!! Mr PTSD has been coming out of the bedroom for more then just a walk-through!

Last night I REALLY saw what was happening, and heard it. The three of us were watching a show IN THE LIVING ROOM, now we were given a new tv for Christmas and honestly, last night was the FIRST time Craig and I have watched anything on it! Remember, his safe room is where he normally is. 

BUT, while we were watching our show, this is what I heard, “Babe, I really think you need to paint the living room next, you are painting it the same color as your office right?” Then my son tunes in, “Yes, I love mom’s office, that color would look great in here.” Then I hear, “Yeah, my friends love our house. I told them mom is awesome at decorating.” Then I heard, “I like that room so much maybe I should move my desk and computer back in there“, from my son! WHAT? NO, not happening lol. 😉

I think my game plan has changed! LOL! I’ll paint the living room next and it MIGHT help me get my office area back a little, hehe. The “library” seems to have been reborn lol! I joked with them last night that I’m going to hang a sign above the entry way stating “Mama Bear’s Den” lol. 

The moral of this story: 
It is amazing what a little paint and reorganizing/decorating things can do! A change in scenery in a way that can help not only you, but everyone. And, my monthly projects give me something to do that I enjoy at the same time.  I think it’s safe to say this project of mine which I thought was a sort of self-help therapy for me, has turned into a family thing.  Find something you enjoy, do something different, and it does not have to be something huge… even a little can of paint can change the world in positive ways! 

~Bec
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As I Promised! Our 1st trip out in the boat!

As I Promised! Our 1st trip out in the boat!

Jumping for joy is an understatement! We made it out for the first time in the boat today!!! What better time to go then right before the rain storms when no one is on the big lake.  You know I’m ALL smiles today 🙂

This is such a HUGE step for Craig! It has been several years since he left the house to do something other then have to things. Just HUGE! We stayed out for just under 2 hours, had the lake basically to ourselves, and enjoyed it! 🙂

~Bec

A Spouse’s Story PTSD